Saturday, November 27, 2010

My son's Conference....

Ok. Let me first start out. My son is curious.  I mean REALLY curious.  He lies awake at night thinking of things. How do I know this? Because he will come downstairs at 9pm asking me questions he's thought about in the past hour he's supposed to be sleeping. Sometimes as soon as I wake up he has a question for me.  Most of the times it's cute...sometimes it's not.  I love his curiosity and the fact he is sooo eager to learn.  Unfortunately his knowledge and curiosity spill over into school.  Sometimes that is not such a good thing.

Last year we had "issues" with him being "impulsive" and "high active" and "lots of energy". His K teacher we kept in close contact with, since he had trouble waiting.  She assured us it should get better when he hit 1st grade.  It did...sort of. Now he has trouble keeping his thoughts and ideas and information to himself. What can I say? He likes to share!  We had an early in the year conference with his teacher on why he kept getting lower colors.  He has trouble raising his hand and calling out. She kept telling us he is a bright kid, a great kid, so much information in his head he likes to share. BUT he also likes to be first, the best, answer all the time etc.  We gave him a notepad (why does that work at school but not at home) so he could write out his thoughts instead of interrupting (and sneakily getting him to work on handwriting).  So now instead of interrupting class (he went 3 whole days raising his hand! YEAH!) he is using his stubbornness to say "no" and "I don't want to". Other than that he is extremely intelligent like his younger sister and loves to learn...just only wants to learn things HE wants to and not necessarily things that are on the agenda.

He is asking me about negative numbers and how multiplication and division works.  He uses big words but has no focus in his writing. He loves to read to younger kids so we are going to try a mentoring thing for him and a kid in K.  The thing I thought was funny about both the kids teachers is that they both said sometimes when I am talking to them I forget that I am not talking to my best friend.  That is what makes a mother proud...2 mature, intelligent kids ready to take on the world.  :)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Daughters Conference Rant....

Well it's that time of year again...Parent/Teacher Conferences. I went alone this year and had to tackle 2 of them with the kids in tow. They did great. Liberty's was first. I had a nice written out list this year and somewhere between getting out of the car and arriving at the classroom it disappeared. So I frantically tried to remember what I wanted to ask without looking like an idiot. After getting both kids settled in (Buddy on the DS and Liberty on the computer doing Kid Pix) I sat with her teacher in those oh so comfortable tiny chairs. Thankfully I have been in constant contact (yes I am one of those moms) with her teacher since she started school at a high 2nd grade reading level. Yes she's in Kindergarten.

It was a bit of a struggle since most schools focus on the below level kids and tend to shy away from those above level ones. I will admit I am not one to fight or call attention to myself. But I had visions of my daughter getting bored and chatting away at whoever was the closest and getting in trouble. So I talked to her teacher on Sneak a Peak day. My son was in K last year so most of the teachers had an idea who I was (not to mention my son is very outgoing and mischievous lol). I informed her of her reading level but preceded it with a "I am sure you hear this all the time but..." Then I had to keep pushing and prodding to get her the help she needed. You may not think a "gifted" child would have the same struggles as other special needs but they do. And it's harder because there aren't alot of education "rules" involving above level children. In most States they aren't afforded the IEP or things like that. Parents have to fight to get their kids the education they need. Now after saying that I am glad we are at the school we are as her teacher was more than happy to help out. Now after that last statement I have run into problems.

She is seeing a "Talent Development Teacher" (back in my day it was gifted and talented) 3 times a week with 4 other K's. I am happy. Not happy we get no real progress report on what she is doing other than asking or seeing what she brings home. Her K teacher told me we are "lucky" she is able to see her this year as normally they don't see Ks...that's the statement that bothers me. So if my child was struggling would they say "oh sorry we don't have anyone to help your child so tough luck...." OF COURSE NOT! The education system is all about helping those who struggle but what about those who excel?? What happens to them? Unless a parent makes a stink absolutely nothing.

On to the "Reading Specialist" who I tried to contact and after she finally got back to me she was very abrupt and acted like she was doing me a favor. I asked about an IEP and was told there is none for gifted students. I asked about a written plan and was told there is none but somehow off the top of her head she could list everything my daughter does and then has the ovaries (she's a woman so can't say balls lol) to tell me that there is a "smarter student" than mine in K. So freaking what. I don't care about the other kids. I care about mine and that she is getting the help SHE needs. Then she pretty much tells me that she really doesn't deal with the Ks since she's the PRIMARY grade reading specialist AND she deals with those who are struggling anyway. Not a nice lady although everyone at school loves her. She definitely rubs me the wrong way.

So back to the conference with her teacher. Basically she can't be taught anymore on the reading end (totally understand since she reads long chapter books and understands what is going on). Her sentences are extremely complex but her writing needs work (must get it from me as mine is atrocious) so her teacher and I brainstormed about things she likes to read and what she has in mind for her and what I think would help. So we are going for mini book reports (just the basics to get her handwriting better) and delving into deeper comprehension. She will also be seeing the teacher individually 30 min every other day for the literacy center time. And her teacher will be taking her to the reading teachers special "book area" and the library to talk about books and different aspects of them. Also poems will be a big one and working on her reading quizzes that she gets charms for. The goal is to get her into the 3rd grade reading level by the end of the year and being able to express herself better in writing. So we will see how this turns out in the end but I will keep on pushing and asking as I have to. For my daughter...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

So I have dysthymia....

Kind of a hard thing to admit and private too. I've had it for years. What is it? Is it contagious? You may be asking yourself these questions. Basically it's chronic depression. Or functioning depression is better. You know how you are sad some days and others you are not? Well I feel sad or "down" ALL the time. Don't get me wrong. I do get happy and laugh. I love my kids and my husband. It's NOT manic or severe depression which is the most common. You just feel a little sad. Alot. And it sucks. No one knows you are sad either unless they really know you. Most people with dysthymia you can't tell at all. We look fine on the outside but on the inside you are crying.

I believe I've had it since I was a child. I just didn't know it and back then seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist was "not cool" and taboo. I do have some severe episodes where it's hard to get out of bed or do things but I do it. It's what people with dysthymia do. My husband knows when I am feeling like that and makes sure I am doing ok. Sometimes I just get tears in my eyes. I try to not let the kids see me that way as it's hard to explain since they are little. I will explain to them when they get older so they know the symptoms and signs to watch for. I was on medication way back in the day. Almost 12 years ago I was so severely depressed I tried to take my own life. I know stupid but when you are in the zone, in that hole where everything looks black it's hard to not listen to those voices that tell you no one will care or notice you are gone. I was briefly in a mental hospital on suicide watch (not a fun thing to be woken up every hour and sleep with the door open all night). I was also on meds...Prozac at first since it was the popular drug of choice at the time but I just felt...NOTHING I mean not happy or sad or anything so I stopped taking that. Then I was on some really long named drug for my dysthymia and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and that made me sick to my stomach so I stopped that. I have done therapy but in the beginning it wasn't helpful. I wasn't in the right frame of mind for it and I didn't have the right person to help me. I will say I have not had a suicidal thought since that day almost 12 years ago. I am just hoping my kids don't inherit it.

Friday, October 29, 2010

So I suck at this....

I don't even know how long it's been since I blogged but since the kids started school I have been...partying...NOT! So busy it's amazing I have time to sleep! I have been working out 5 days a week (waiting for the applause to die down) and volunteering at school too. It is great! I love it. BUT I am so busy. And exhausted. Who knew volunteering and exercising would wear me down so much! It's great to see the kids though and to be recognized by my children's fellow classmates. But as we come up on my husbands 33rd (yes I am the "older" 17 months or so!) birthday I look back at our past 3 years and realize these have been some of the worst years we've had. Seriously.

Between the RIF (Reduction in Forces) in 2007 that started the whole downward spiral (total and truthful blindside thanks to a certain b...anyway) to last years breaking point in which we pretty much hit bottom as a family. But that was then...this is a new year, with new changes (both kids in school) and honestly my husband and I have been having a GREAT time! Day dates totally rock! No babysitter to pay and we can get good food for cheaper than dinner. Yes no alcohol but who cares! We went to the firing range and that was such a rush I think we are going for our anniversary coming up! I actually missed him when he had to go back to work. I loved hanging out with him and realizing we still have things to talk about that don't include "hey stop bothering your sister" and "make sure you don't wipe your hands on your pants..." You don't lose your train of thought and the laughter...real laughter without sadness's refreshing!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Papi, I love you and love rediscovering you all over again. :)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Being a "stay at home" mom...

Ugh. Haven't posted in waaaayyyy too long because I am busy! Between my workouts (self inflicted ;) ) and the millions of errands I run now that I have "free time" I am exhausting myself daily! My husband is at school now for another week and half the kids are in school and I am running around like a mad woman! I am curious to know who made up the term "stay at home mom" it's more like "on the go" mom! Someone once asked what I do all day...more like what DON'T I do all day! lol

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I remember when I was pregnant with my first I was reading a pregnancy book or maybe some information online about how pregnant women sometimes got a heightened sense of smell. Well I was one of those people and it SUCKED! I would keep telling my husband how I could smell "feet" and start sniffing around or I could smell really odd things and it would drive him nuts me sniffing around the house to figure out what "that" smell was. Well unfortunately (or fortunately depending on the situation), it stuck with me. Now I swear sometimes the fries at BK smell and taste like butter (I call them butter fries) and I swear sometimes I smell gas in the house but so far nothing has happened with that. I also can ALWAYS smell food on my hands after eating and that is a big pet peeve of mine. I enjoy a good burger as much as the next person but when I am done I don't want to smell it! So I make everyone put hand sanitizer on their hands to get that smell off. Half the time the people look at me odd but it drives me nuts! It's like putting gum in your mouth after you get the taste out...maybe I should put the hand sanitizer under my nose??

Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's been almost a year...

...since my world was turned upside down. I can't believe how far we've come either. Carlos is gone again heading to Panama on Sunday. That was where "the incident" as I like to call it happened. Some of you know what happened and why etc. I am not dwelling on the fact that it HAS happened just that we've grown so much as a family in this past year. For the good. My husband and I talk, really connect and sometimes it feels like it was forever before we got to a place we could do that. Now we aren't perfect by any means and we still have fights but the best part about those is that I don't feel like I am yelling across a mile wide canyon. I feel like I am being listened to and I am listening. Now the silences don't hold all the tension and unspoken words. Last year I honestly couldn't wait for him to leave...this year I can't wait for him to come home and we are all wanting him around more. My heart and psyche feel alot stronger stable. I don't feel like I am living on the edge anymore.

Our 8 year anniversary is coming up but I feel like we're on our year anniversary...the year after. The year of new beginnings. The year we stopped thinking about all the things we SHOULD or COULD or WOULD have. The year we realized we need to focus on what we HAVE instead of what we HAD. The year our family became a family again. Happy year Anniversary Diaz Family!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Con permisso en Miami

I really wasn't sure what to put as a title as swearing in Spanish probably wasn't a good idea. Started the day off early by dropping Carlos off at work then me and the kidlets started getting ready to head to Miami Children's Museum. The day was looking GREAT! Followed the directions of the GPS properly to the museum and saw...2 school buses pulling up! Ok no reason to's a big museum right? Tried to figure out the parking (you pay for how much time you think you will be there and add on later...if you go remember to check your parking space number!) and paid (Yeah military discount!). So we tried to do some of the activities but were overrun by the 2 camps...the leaders were sitting around TEXTING. And of course all the kids spoke only Spanish and forgot their "con permisso".

So I pulled up my Rican Spanish and tried to speak without swear words (very hard since my patience was being tried). My biggest pet peeve I think is being rude...I mean does it really take that much to say "excuse me!"? I digress. The museum was good just wish they would have a kids camp day so us lowly stay at home moms can enjoy the museum without getting things taken away by the day care kids...or I guess they were "camp" kids. Just choose one day a week and have the camps come. It's hard to see your kids being polite and trying to take turns etc and then look confused once kids start grabbing and shoving. Anyway, enough of that! I will post pics of everything once I get back to MD.

So after the museum (2 hours seemed pretty good) we left and tried to get back to the hotel. I say tried as we drove around the airport and adjoining area for a good 30 minutes while the GPS kept vaguely saying "stay on this road" (there were 3 split offs of the road) and "keep right". Kids were actually talking about kicking the GPS out of the car at one point. Got to Wendys' and then hit Walmart for last minute school supplies (anyone know where I can get a PLASTIC folder with no binders or holes??).

Oh the museum was pretty cool. They have a new dinosaur exhibit that Liberty for some reason forgot that they were extinct and was afraid for a couple minutes. The crane one was cool too. I think the one in Baltimore is bigger and better but has older stuff. Tomorrow I think we are going to try and hit Key Biscayne.....

Monday, July 26, 2010

Vacation with the Family

So I've been on a hiatus. Headed down to Tampa with the family after my husband got back from a TDY as a civilian (CHA-CHING!). I was honestly kinda nervous. The last "vacation" we had was to visit family in PR and that was a disaster. DH and I were on the brink of something awful, Buddy was stressed I think because we were stressed and kept throwing horrible fits and had some bowel problems and honestly is visiting family REALLY a vacation?? So just about a year later we tried it again. No family visiting, just us as a whole family. We decided to drive as then we'd have a car and we were also going to head to Miami for Carlos to do some of his IDTs for his reserve stuff. It went great! The drive was relaxing and we were able to stop to pee and stretch our legs whenever we wanted! No arguments or tense conversations...just us enjoying each others company. Yes Buddy did play Super Mario DS for 10 hours (hey it kept him quiet!) and Liberty drew and colored and watched movies. Carlos and I had some great conversations and even better silences. Even getting stuck on I-95 in NC didn't phase us. I was starting to feel better.

So we got to Tampa and were sooo antsy to get to the condo....on the beach! Madeira Beach is where we stayed and it was HEAVEN! Since Carlos and I have been together we've ALWAYS lived within 5 minutes of the beach. Living where we do now I have been going through withdrawals...even the trip or two to Rehoboth doesn't satisfy this longing, this emptiness I feel when I don't have the smell of sea on my skin and seeing the blue green waters. Yes I know I sound like an addict and I am! I am addicted to the white sands, waves crashing beach! When we pulled into our parking spot under our building I almost cried. It was beautiful! I got out of the car and the smell hit me. I kept deep breathing just to get it in my system. The view from our condo was just as fabulous....5th floor sitting on the balcony with a book in hand just listening to the beach. Dolphins playing in the morning or evening. Pelicans and herons to watch. I didn't want to leave. And surprising enough...neither did anyone else. It's a big step for our son. Last year all Buddy could talk about was going back home and when we were doing that. This year he cried when we had to leave and asked if we could come back. That's a big step for us to overcome in a year.

Now we are in Miami and Carlos is in work mode. Kids and I are hoping to hit a beach here and maybe the Seaquarium...but I think that Madeira Beach will be the one we remember the most..the one that really started a new chapter in our lives.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A sigh of relief

We got the car back! And we didn't have to pay out the butt for it! I want to go over to Firestone and stick it in their faces but I am a lady and will just write a scathing comment to their customer service. Oh I did write one to Yankee Candle and they sent me something very nice back. I hope the lady that helped us out gets a nice bonus or something! I wish I could go there and get some candles but I can't. The smell of scented candles burning gives me a headache! No matter what the scent it really bothers me. Like an awful horrible (NOT a migraine thank goodness...I get enough of those!) headache and my nose gets stuffy. I can do scented oils though...very LIGHTLY scented oils. Speaking of that it reminds me of when DH and I were young and childless we used to spend our money on odd incense! I remember we had this fancy incense holder and used to go out and buy the best kinds and light it up...we would get excited about new smells they had. And new holders. Now I have NO idea where they went (probably someone snatched them in a move). Or why we got so excited about something like that. Now we just get excited about new Star Wars Toys we can get "for the kids to play with" yeah right! ;)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Why are automechanics ripoffs?

Ugh so in continuation with yesterdays saga....I get a phone call right after my husband landed and was told the repairs would be $2177...he said the part was only $200 and the labor was the most expensive part. He told me he called around and got the same quote. So for some reason that didn't sit well with me and I called the dealership...they quoted me a price $1162! almost $1000 difference? I mean come on. So I called them back and they were in shock. Long story short, DH ended up waiting 3 hours for another tow truck to come and take the car to the dealer (aren't using THAT tow place anymore). Another nice person alert! THey gave us free rental and said it could be done by tomorrow. So husband is home and we are all sort of happy. Just hoping for good news tomorrow and then getting ready for can anyone tell me why they tried to rip us off???

Monday, July 12, 2010

I found some nice people!

Ok today really showed me there ARE some great people still out there in this world! I found some nice people! So me and the kidlets were out hitting Costco getting ready for the Big Man to come home tomorrow when I got gas then noticed a pool of pink fluid under the car. Earlier the A/C light was flashing so I thought "Shit the A/C has gone out!" we I frantically tried to call my husband (who's taking an oil vacation in NOLA) and when that failed decided to drive...well that lasted all of 2 minutes as soon as I turned the car on and drove not even .5 mile I noticed the temperature gauge was almost to the red 'H' and quickly turned into a plaza parking lot and shut off the engine. Now I was REALLY freaking out. So after my husband called and got me calmed down (kidlets are in the back chillin' and buggin' each other) I called our fabulous insurance company who hooked us up with a tow truck and racked my brain who to call to come get us.

I decided to call a neighbor across the street who I knew was home and guess what....he came to help us! He is FABULOUS! My husband is gone and he cut our grass so he won't have to worry about it when he gets home...then he comes and helps us out. 'He is good people' as a friend of mine would say. So while we are waiting for our ride and tow truck the kids are getting hot (as am I) and I decide to go hit some stores for cooler air. The place where I found another FANTASTIC human being is The Yankee Candle Store. I will disclaim I don't buy the things nor do I work for them so this is all unbiased. And no they didn't pay me anything to plug their store. This lady was soooo nice. Not the gaggy sweet way but just a good person. She talked to the kids smelled candles with them and when she realized that we were stranded she offered to watch the kids (which I had to decline) while I dealt with the tow truck. Then after the guy left with our car (and we were waiting on our neighbor) we huddled in front of the store during a storm and she came out and offered for us to come inside (I declined since we had a car seat with us) and then she offered the use of her restroom AND gave the kids candy (and she even said as long as I said it was ok).

So there you have it I found 2 decent human beings in one day....wonder what I will find tomorrow...YIKES!

I miss nice people

Ok, so being a former active duty military wife we moved around. Since meeting my husband I have lived in 7 places including where we are right now. This is our "first" home that's not an apartment or government housing and it's great! I love where we are located (close to our nations capital) and the history around here is amazing...and I am totally not a history buff! BUT...yes there's a big but here...I think the people here are the rudest most unhelpful people I have ever met! Some may call this "the South" but believe me it is NOT! I have lived in the South and the people here are definitely not exuding any southerness at all. I love our townhouse but can generally say I am not a fan of most people from this state. No one says excuse me or offers to help. Where we live there is no real sense of neighborliness...just people putting their heads down and can't even say hello. I know alot of the Southern and Japanese "politeness" is a face but I'd take that over the rudeness of this area. I miss nice people!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Lapse

Well I haven't written in a while because I was doubting myself and what I was doing. Ok and I was a bit depressed. My husband is in NOLA doing a great job with the oil spill stuff (so proud) and I love my kids but not having backup really sucks. Not to diminish law enforcement officials I can totally see how when the chips are down knowing you have a partner close by and taking care of your six makes you feel better. My kids have been swimming machines and that means super tired at night which is good but the grumpiness starts around 5 and I try to keep them up until 8 so they aren't waking up with the roosters. So of course they bug each other like good siblings do and sometimes I am super tired too so my patience is very thin. So they are upset at each other and I am tired so I just want to cry or instead of having my backup here to step in...I use the TV. Yes I am one of those moms. Actually I use the TV and the DS (not the DSXL which I am hoping to get soon for me!). I just need some me drink my tea (yes hot in the middle of summer) and not hear any bickering. Some may criticize me but most of those people have their partners with them ALL the time and I learned several years ago when my husband was deployed that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

My life

My mom recently came out to visit and brought a bunch of my old things (ie stuff she wants out of her house after 16 years of me not living there) like books and a box of things from when I was younger. I was going through that box and found things like the book I was published in, a certificate for a story I wrote, my high school diploma and my graduating cap from college and my sash and that made me realize that I am MORE than a mom and wife. I think I had lost a bit of that along the way taking care of everyone else in my life. Now don't get me wrong I love my family but as a stay at home mom you really never have "just a minute" to yourself. So here I am.

Unfortunately my "just a minute" time is about to expand to about 8 hours of alone time. Yep 8 HOURS all to my self! My youngest is starting Kindergarten in August and then it's just me. Me! I am freaked out. Sad some days that my baby girl is growing up and happy others that I can go grocery shopping in 30 minutes (of course I will be talking to myself the whole time!).

Everyone asks what I will do in my "spare" time. Of course us stay at home moms KNOW there isn't really any "spare" time as now you have a short amount of time to pack all that stuff into! Cleaning the house without interruptions? Heavenly! Although I think I hear my books calling my name...hehehe Seriously though, I plan on volunteering as much as I can in the school and swimming and trying to volunteer at our local library here. Not sure what else. I guess I will wait and see what comes up.